LARP Saved my life

Being a Paramedic/ EMT for any length of time is difficult. Especially in a busy system where you are repeatedly exposed to things and situations the average person will never see. Ill spare the details but the take away is that I have CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Whereas someone may have a traumatic experience and have a long recovery from it. In EMS we are exposed again and again and again. Thats just the nature of the beast. So when it comes to healing the cards are really stacked against you. From a failing health care system to an old EMS attitude of “its part of the job so suck it up and get over it”. It can be tough to navigate how exactly we are supposto heal. But there is help out there.

Its becoming more and more common place to talk about our calls and our feelings to those who are also in the field. A word of caution tho. You cannot talk to just anyone about the things we see. I can remember telling my mom about my really fucked up calls that… at the time to me were just interesting calls. The patient who died in his house from a stomach bleed and laid on the floor for days while his wife who had dementia was also found alive and on the floor only because she couldn’t get herself up. No one knows how long she had walked around her dead husbands body. Telling my mom this was a mistake. What was, to me, and interesting call was absolutely sad an horrid to her. I really hadn’t thought about it until the words had left my mouth and how teary eyed my mom had gotten from it. I think its easy to get so desensitized to everything that we dont notice it build up. Theres a saying i heard recently in that “the body keeps count.” It really dose. Because thats what happened to me. In my mind I was fine. Sure I had seen some fucked up things but I thought it was just all part of the job and I was making good money so why not press on. But slowly I began to have physical symptoms that got worse and worse. At first it was just stress induced Rosacea. Then I had really bad stomach problems. Constantly feeling like I would lose my bowls if i didnt find a toilet immidietly. It was almost a daily thing. I really thought it was so chronic that i would lose muscle tone down there eventually. But I cant respond code 3 to calls if im stuck on the toilet. I went to Kaiser and had every test under the sun performed on me. Both the GI doc and therapist said all of my health issues were from work and that I need to find something else to do. Thats such a callous statement to make. I was making OK money and its not like you can just change careers like that in the Bay Area. Theres tons of Ghost Job postings and even if you do land one they only pay minimum wage which is not enough to live here. But as I would learn, either change or my body will make the change for me. and it did. I posted a video about what happened. But longs story short I got pretty bad PTSD.

So where dose LARP come into play? Theres just nothing like it. Being on the battlefield with people running, screaming, fights braking out and trying to figure out strategies and tactics all while keeping the game win conditions in mind. Its addictive. First of all: Nerds are my people. You will never find a group of people that are just so kind hearted, honest and friendly. And honestly.. i mean this in the most loving way.. different. We all know what its like to get picked on. To be a “misfit” or an “outsider” just because our brains are wired a little differently. There really is no judgment when to comes to my LARP friends. In a way Fantasy LARP is a way to escape the harshness of real life, if only for a few hours on the weekends.

I knew I would love LARP but never to the degree that I have. I need it. I crave it. Its all I can think about sometimes. I knew I had always wanted to get into it after i had gotten into dnd. In fact I tried to look up LARP in my area during the Pandemic but as you can imagine everything was closed. It wasnt until later when I was running a couple of dnd sessions at a board game convention that I saw a table setup for Amtgard. I invited my little brother and my girlfriend to come with me to the convention with me the next day specifically for that table. I paid their entrance fees specially for that table. and that day we made our very first short swords and a very fit salt and pepper gentleman with a fox tail took us out and shows us the basics. Honestly the rest if history.

Ive had lots and lots of hobbies over the years. Im really good at finding a niche within a niche. With LARP i had struck gold. There are so many faces to this hobby I will try to list them all. Theres sword fighting, leather working, foamsmithing, arts and science, arts and crafts, theater, strategy and tactics, sewing, monster playing, monster creations, leadership roles, recruitment, retainment, quests, quest design, battlegame design, sword fighting, sword and board, spear work, team tactics, role playing (obviously), baking, spinning, weaving, advertising, photography, engineering, mentorship, awards, ladder awards, noble titles, the freakin list can go on and on and on and I dont think i could ever find an end. LARP is so much to so many people and the only way it is held up is by a community. No one person can ever be perfect or ever proficient at all all of these things. But it is so easy to find a mentor in any one of these facets. Amtgard really did save my life. Like I said, its take my mind and my brain off of the world is only for a few hours on the weekend. Its an outlet to express myself creatively and a way to immediately give back the things I had learned.

LARP is not without its drawbacks. Hollywood has made us out to be socially inept nerds. There are some people that think they are so embarrassed for us that they would actively avoid us. Which is fine. But it can also be (but dose not have to be) really expensive. A short sword that will last a year or 2 can easily go for $60. Armor, bow and arrow and garb can really add up. This is where community comes into play. As i said there are so many talented people that, if you put in a little effort, can cut the cost of armor/ garb in half. A 2 colored tabard is so easy to make and looks so good on the field. I made my gabeson armor out of a quilt from the thrift store. I would like to take this time to acknowledge my girlfriend in literally showing me how to do and make everything. If it were not for her everything i wear would “look like a barbarian made it” and was have unfinished-end-galore.

Out of full honesty and transparency I will state some of the things i actually dont like about LARP. No group or organization is without its downside. In LARP i would say there are far far fewer downsides but they do exist. My number 1 gripe is this. I dont want to become a Knight. In fact i actively avoid it. I think the Knights in the norther part of Westmarch are horrible examples of the game and do no represent the game in a positive light. I have seen them act like total asshats on Facebook and Discord and then gaslight everyone into thinking they are “just passionate about the game”. It is my opinion that they are bullies, plainly put. Its not like they can just be kicked out either. Believe me, the monarchy actually tried. So I will say this, theres nothing forcing us to play with them. While they might be really good at mincing words and gaslighting those who actually have power to throw them out.. the people can speak. The majority of us nerds are actually really good at pattern recognition and while they may have a following of those closest to them the excuse of “of thats just who xyz is” or “but they have been doing this for xyz years” is honestly a bullshit excuse for bullying. So i refuse to play with them. I will no participate in night ditch because this is a hobby and im here to have fun. And im not the only one. I have talked to several people about these 3 people and its not a good look for them. I would not be shocked at a record low attendance for FoG. Now, no one wants their hobby to fail. We all would love to see this game grow and prosper and stick around for many many years to come. But this is a direct result of consequences.

Theres only 2 other downsides I can think of. The first is you can be prone to injury. We try to make the sport crazy safe to participate in. But at the end of the day its a full contact sport that dosnt require protective equipment. Rolled ankles are semi- common. Head shots are illegal but dose not mean they don’t happen my accident. The other is that, specially with Amtgard it should really be called Live Action Battle Gaming. There is very little role play but that is something I am actively working on.

Anyway, circling back to my point. I believe that due to the artistic nature couple with how highly physically (or not) demanding the sport can be, it has been an amazing outlet for me. As previously stated its not without its problems. But the good definitely outweigh the bad 1,000,000,000:1. I really do wonder how exactly it has rewired my brain and helped me heal during a traumatic and complex healing process. Since then I am back to working 2 part time jobs. Maybe some day I will go back full time. But I will never forget how close it came to my job nearly unavailing me with mental health issues.